New Year Updates

Anyone who has been here for a while knows I'm not big on making resolutions for each new year. 2021 is no different in that regard; however, after the train wreck that was 2020, I do want to take the occasion to try and get things back on track.

The addition of Gumball to the family was perhaps one of the best parts of 2020.

I doubt it's any secret my mental health has not always been the best. I foolishly thought finally having an autism diagnosis as of late 2019 and the ability to self-accommodate would help resolve most of it. It certainly provided answers for the whys behind a few things, but it did nothing to correct what has been confirmed to be the chronic anxiety and depression I have experienced since at least the age of ten.

As I was with autism, I masked and managed to be "high functioning" until I just wasn't able to do so anymore. I "regressed" and lost a lot of skills and executive functioning throughout the year until C. L. finally, after literal years of trying, convinced me to seek help.

I was raised to be afraid of medicine that "screws with your brain." ADHD, antidepressants, and more were vilified and those who had need of them shamed whether they took them or not, so I was extremely reluctant to seek help let alone help that might come in the form of medicines.

Even after being prescribed, I was skeptical and frightened. I spent the first few months convinced the only thing they were doing was making the occasional difficulty I experience with words worse.

Then I forgot to take them for a week and realized the difference. Funny how some changes are subtle enough it takes artificially inducing a quick change to notice them.
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It took forgetting my SSRI for a week to realize how much of a difference it made.
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I eventually went back to freelance writing to help make ends meet at the beginning of December. At that point, I hadn't written a word since the first week of August, and I was terrified I would fail.

I was slow at first, taking four times as long as it should have required to complete each article. I experienced my first fully nonspeaking episode since March about a week in. It lasted for almost 48 hours, and I had moments where even my ability to type was affected. I had to ask for an extension, but I made my deadlines.

It hasn't been easy, clawing back from being so rusty, but I've been doing it. I'm still struggling a bit to create and establish a routine that works with the freelancing and homeschooling and tending the home and tackling my own projects. But at least now I have the energy, and I can scrape together the executive function to limp along most of the time.
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I miss creating, and I need it back in my life one way or another.
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I know this poor blog and my old YouTube channel both have been hit or miss at best over the years. I can't promise I will make it back to posting on a completely regular schedule. Homeschooling my kids and the freelance work still have to take a higher priority, I'm afraid. (We all have bills after all, and as much as I love this blog and the YouTube channel, neither one produces much if any income at present.) But I do plan to try my best for both.

I miss creating. True, it's not as easy as it once was, but I need a creative outlet in my life like I need air. So I'm getting back in, with caution.

I'm shifting my posting schedule here a bit to accommodate the YouTube posting schedule. I'll be posting articles and whatnot on Mondays to make room for the Sims let's plays I plan to upload on Tuesdays. Flash Fiction Friday should remain the same, and I will be starting a Speed Build Saturday series on the YouTube channel.

"As the Multiverse Collides" is a Sims 4 let's play series where characters from all of my fictional universes live in the same few cities. Series premieres January 19, 2021. New episodes every other Tuesday.

You see, The Sims 4 started being something of a new special interest for me toward the beginning of the summer. I grabbed a couple packs when they were on sale, and being the sap I am, I spent a good couple months creating Sims versions of my characters.

Fast forward, and I've replaced the townies in the four Sims worlds I currently have with characters from all six of the universes I write in. The "let's play" videos I mentioned earlier are turning out to be something of a "real world AU" soap opera where these characters are somehow living in the same community regardless of when or where their original stories placed them.

I finished recording and editing the first episode yesterday, and it's scheduled to release on the 19th. As you can see, something happens that has Mab from the Myth and Science series rather peeved.

I'm not sure yet whether I will attempt to link some of these videos here or not. It is a rather odd idea, but I find trying to figure how the characters would interact with such massive changes to their background a fun exercise.

Again, I can't promise I won't disappear again. Even with the aid of an SSRI now, I do still have bad days, and the issues with speaking and utilizing words at all have continued enough we are investigating whether or not it could be a side effect. But I do promise to try my best.

2020 was the year I fell hard enough to finally cry out for help. Hopefully 2021 can be the year I get back on my feet and relearn how to walk.