Failure is Life's Teacher

I returned to handling the science and English classes for my daughters back in January, and much has changed since the last time I taught them. However, one thing has remained constant. In teaching them, I learn, and relearn, lessons as well.

C.L. and I, with feedback we received from the girls, decided to go a bit more old school with their lessons a couple years ago. Neither girl felt they were absorbing the digital lessons, and we agreed. So aside from math, for which Khan Academy has been amazing for us all, we stick to textbooks and paper these days. This means C.L. and I have to spend considerably more time preparing for each class. However, it also means the girls have us to explain the material in however many ways they need us to explain it for their understanding.

It also removes the responsibility for initiating a “cold” request for assistance from the girls’ shoulders. That seems like a simple thing, but it can be huge for a child with executive functioning and anxiety issues. C.L. and I are there to “read the room,” often noticing one or the other needs a different explanation without the need for them to ask.

However, that doesn’t mean there haven’t been hiccups.

The girls are studying physical science this year, which is a very broad discipline. They are only in sixth and eighth grade, so the textbook merely gives a general overview of all of the more specialized disciplines under the physical science umbrella.

These past couple of weeks, we’ve been studying the physics module. It’s really just a basic primer on the founding principles physics is based upon. But, physics is a science based heavily in mathematical principles, and the terms used to describe concepts differ from their common usage.

This makes it a difficult subject for just about anyone, and both have found it frustrating. Unfortunately, both have a tendency toward negative self-talk when they “fail” at things. How simple or complicated the task doesn’t matter.

Because of this, and the difficulty of the material, I have had the same conversation with both multiple times over the past several days. I decided to share it here today because it is a lesson we humans tend to need refreshers on frequently throughout our lives.

​Failure is a natural consequence of attempting something new, and it is a crucial step in learning.

Do we laugh at an infant and think them ignorant for falling when they are learning to walk? Of course not! No one was ever born knowing how to walk. We have to learn, and falling is just part of the process.

So why do we call ourselves awful names and think we’re hopeless when we make mistakes along the way to learning new skills?

No one is born knowing how to multiply and divide fractions or speak a language they’ve never heard before. Artists aren’t born knowing how to paint a masterpiece. Scientists don’t calculate the distance between stars or figure out formulas on instinct alone. Historians don’t soak up details of the past from the very air without any effort on their part. So why do we expect ourselves to know how to do anything without ever making an error?

Why do we shame ourselves for being human and needing to learn?

There are very few things we know by instinct, and many of those are lost as a clinging grip and the ability to suckle are no longer needed for base survival. Everything else must be learned, and learning means we will occasionally make mistakes. This is normal, and it is even helpful when we take these mistakes and failures for what they are, opportunities to improve.